"Democrats now have a woman, an African-American and a Hispanic running for president. Of course, the other sides has minorities running also. They're called Republicans."
--Jay Leno

"Senator Barack Obama has jumped into the presidential race. ... That's the big rumor. Barack will officially announce on the 'Oprah' show. I think Hillary will announce on 'Trading Spouses,' and of course, John Kerry will announce on 'The Biggest Loser.'"
--Jay Leno

"Connecticut Senator Christopher Dodd, a Democrat, has announced he is running for president. Dodd said over the past few weeks he's been having a conversation with the mirror about running. The bad news? Today, the guy in the mirror came out in favor of Barack Obama."
--Jay Leno

"In presidential news, somebody leaked Rudy Giuliani's entire 140-page campaign plan to the press. Giuliani is calling it a dirty trick. He said it was stolen while he was in Florida. Which is not the first time a presidential race has been stolen in Florida."
--Jay Leno

"Dennis Kucinich has announced that he's running for president in 2008. In a related story, somewhere a tree fell in a forest."
--David Letterman

"Dennis Kucinich, who ran in '04, announced he's running again in '08. Coincidentally, 04 is the number of votes he received."
--Conan O'Brien

"The 2008 presidential race is already underway. ... Over the weekend, Senator Barack Obama visited New Hampshire and thousands of people showed up to hear him speak. The New Hampshire crowds were excited, because apparently, this is the first time they've ever seen an African-American."
--Conan O'Brien

"Senator Hillary Clinton's overwhelming victory has fueled speculation that she will run for president in 2008. In other words, there was some good news for Republicans."
--Conan O'Brien

"According to ABC News, John McCain is forming an exploratory committee to run for president. Not to be outdone, Hillary Clinton is also forming an exploratory committee just to try and keep track of her husband."
--Jay Leno

"The field's already getting crowded with candidates. Everyone knows about Hillary and McCain, but who else has a shot? On the Republican side, Rudy Giuliani. Hero. 9/11. Time person of the year. Member of the comb over club. But also a member of the New York, divorced, pro-choice, pro-gun control, pro-stem cell research, gay-friendly wing of the Republican Party. I'm sorry, did I say wing? I meant room. Did I say room? I meant corner. Did I say corner? I meant table -- for one."
--Jon Stewart

"I understand a political group is now raising money to have John Kerry become the Democratic candidate for president in 2008. Will it happen? I don't know. It depends on how much money the Republicans can raise."
--Jay Leno

"In 2008, Rudy Giuliani, former mayor of New York City, may run for president. And if elected, he'll take a no-nonsense approach to Iraq. And the first thing he's going to do over there is get rid of the squeegee guys."
--David Letterman

"According to the latest poll about the 2008 election, many voters in Iowa consider Hillary Clinton as their second or even third choice. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, 'I feel the same way.'"
--Conan O'Brien

"Sources close to John Kerry say they think he's running for president again in 2008. Apparently Kerry's serious, 'cause he's already practicing his concession speech."
--Conan O'Brien

"Close friends of Hillary Clinton have started whispering she might not run for president in 2008. You see, when they say someone's a close friend of Hillary, that just means Bill hasn't nailed them yet."
--Jay Leno

"Mitt Romney may run for president. Some wonder if a Mormon could be elected president. I think hedd make a fine president. He'd be standing up there with his 18 first ladies."
--Jay Leno

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