"Indiana Senator Evan Bayh announced he is starting a presidential exploratory committee. Right now the two Democrats throwing their hat in the ring are Tom Vilsack and Evan Bayh. To give you an idea of how unknown these guys are, their Secret Service code names are Tom Vilsack and Evan Bayh."
--Jay Leno

"According to a new poll, Democrats are favoring Hillary Clinton for the Democratic presidential nominee for 2008. Democrats say they are looking for a fresh and exciting new way to get their asses handed to them."
--Tina Fey

"Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack officially announced he is running for president. He said his number one priority for America, get people to stop giggling at the name Vilsack."
--Jay Leno

"Problems for Mitt Romney. The main part of his campaign has been attacking illegal immigration. Well, it turns out his lawn is being taken care of and landscaped by illegal immigrants. Not only is he in trouble politically, but Wal-Mart is now accusing him of taking their employees."
--Jay Leno

"Barack Obama on the show tonight. He's reminds me a lot of Bill Clinton in the sense that he also doesn't tell Hillary what his plans are."
--Jay Leno

"Yesterday, Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack announced he is running for president in 2008. Vilsack will face questions on national security, tax cuts, and who the hell he is."
--Conan O'Brien

"The New York Post reports John Kerry and Al Gore are going to run in 2008. Upon hearing this, President Bush said, 'Goody, I can win a third term.'"
--Jay Leno

"In an interview Dick Cheney said he will not run for president in 2008 -- he figures eight years of being president is enough."
--Jay Leno

"Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be running for president in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I think she finally wants to see what it's like to sleep in the president's bed."
--Jay Leno

"Ted Kennedy said even if Hillary Clinton runs for president, he will still support John Kerry for the Democratic nomination in 2008. Ted Kennedy backing John Kerry -- you know what they say, two giant heads are better than one."
--Jay Leno

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